Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
