Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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