Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
