Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm both gender and math confused
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
