I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
