I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
