i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
