Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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