Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
