What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
