Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
