look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
