i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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