If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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