and she was petting her beer can
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
