Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
