sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
