i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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