I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
