How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
