I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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