yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize