Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
