I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
