I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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