I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
