I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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