I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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