I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
