I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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