In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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