i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
