If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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