This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
