I heard we made out
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
