OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
