why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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