You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
