Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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