I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
