so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
