Pants 0. Shit 1.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
never play flip cup with pint glasses
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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