and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize