tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
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