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I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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