Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize