Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
