we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
