im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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