who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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