I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
