Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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