If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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