I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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