so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Someone came in the potted fern
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize