Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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