I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
