I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
