for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize