u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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