so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
