we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
