can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
