I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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