Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
