you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
