Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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