a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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