yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
