he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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