And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
